martedì, dicembre 12, 2006

Ciccio e' qui!


Ciccio is arrived.
Just one Sicilian still to arrive and then the trip is started!

lunedì, dicembre 11, 2006

I want to be free

Voglio andare a casa, voglio andare via, voglio vivere "in vacanza da una vita". Vacanza vera. Niente pensieri, niente sensi di colpa.
Fare cio` che mi va.
Sorridere.
Vedere il sole.
Avere coraggio.
Guardare il mondo da un oblo`! Quando mi va. E a volte no. Guardarlo senza nessuna restrizione e nessun confine. Poter guardare il mondo dall'alto di una montagna. Dall'alto sopra il mare. Vicino la costa, sopra un'isola, nel mezzo dell'oceano.
Questo e` quello che voglio.

I want to go home, I want to go away, I want to live on a holiday for life. Real holiday. No worries, no feeling of guilty.
Do what I want to.
Smile. Laugh
Be in the sunshine.
Be brave.
Look at the world through a porthole!
And other times look at the world without any restriction, no borders.
Be able to see everything from the top of a mountain.
Flying on top of the ocean. Close to the coast, by an island, in the middle of nothing.
That's what I want.

sabato, dicembre 09, 2006

Puke


I have been somehow sick the whole week. I started feeling awkward snice monday, and waking up was difficult and I was always tired.
It had worsened gradually along the week, until today, after accomplishing to organize the trip to the South Island, I walked out of a pub (well, THE Pub), with a throbbing headache, feeling that i had pushed it too far, that I had ignored it too long.
I drove home and there my head started feeling like imploding. Went to bed and kind-of-slept of that incongruous sleep of the feverish sickness.
I also received a phone call I long awaited and should have welcomed ... but I couldn't really talk properly.
Then I got up, puked and brushed my teeth.
I usually feel instantly well after throwing up.
Not this time, I mean, i feel better, but still like crap.
But at least, AT LEAST, I organised the trip.
Nothing can go wrong now ;-)

domenica, dicembre 03, 2006

Un paio di giorni fa sono esplosa. Ho pianto come non facevo da tanto tanto tempo. Mi ricordo perche` piangevo cosi` prima, e riconosco alcuni punti in comune con certe situazioni. In passato non ho resistito, ho mollato, non ho trovato la forza e la motivazione per andare avanti, magari dare una svolta coraggiosa e continuare ancora meglio di prima.
Non voglio fare lo stesso errore adesso. Voglio essere forte. Voglio in futuro pensare a me in questo momento della mia vita e pensare "brava Scudy sei stata davvero DDD!"
Adesso mi sento un po scarica, ma piu` leggera.
La cosa che mi ha angosciato di piu` e` stato che ultimamente non riesco ad avere la mente libera da voci e pensieri, anche se mi concentro per "non pensare a niente" ed ascoltare il silenzio. Ci sono sempre almeno tre voci che vanno autonomamente e in parallelo con tutte le loro cose. Mi sento impazzire.
L'altro giorno ho letto "Nella vita non sono i segni che mancano. Quello che manca e` il codice".
Vero, verissimo. A volte siamo cosi` ottusi che mi prenderei a schiaffi da sola!

Couple of days ago I cryed like I didn't do since very long time. I do remember the reason why I used to cry like this before, and I can recognise some similar things happening around me. But I quit at the time, I wasn't strong enough, I din't find the right motivation to keep going, maybe just be brave, take a good decision and be better than before. I gave up. I don't want to do the same mistake now. In the future I'd like to think about myself in this period and say "good Scudy you were just divine!".
Now I feel very weak, but also lighter. Like if I brushed away something.
The thing that scared me most is that lately I can't have my mind free. Even if I try and concentrate to "think nothing". Relax and disconnect from the mess of everyday. I have like three voices in my head that talk about different things, all together. Is like when you have the tv on, music on, someone talking at the phone, and you would like just to "listen" the silence.
Yesterday I read "In life we don't miss signs, what we miss is the code" (more or less the translation!). True. So true. We are so arrogant and stupid that sometimes.....